I have this friend, J. She’s one of my longest friends, and honestly, I think when you’ve survived so many little life crises together, that pretty much seals the deal and makes you besties.

Funny thing is, J wasn’t even supposed to be my best friend. She was my college best friend’s childhood best friend. Messy already, right? Total betrayal vibes. Our common bestie definitely felt that way at one point. But looking back, something was bound to catalyze J and me becoming close. That “something” just happened to be our falling out with our former best friend. She hated us and we didn’t like her much too. It was more like a friendship love triangle, only instead of roses and candlelight it was side-eyes, silent treatments, and a whole lot of teenage drama.

Back when we were younger, there was this unspoken rule that you couldn’t be friends with people your friends didn’t like. Because of that, healing took longer. It was like J and I had to figure things out in sync before we could move forward. I bet we wanted to reconcile with our former bestie earlier on, we just didn’t know how to start.

Thankfully, time really does soften things. As we got older, it became easier to talk, easier to reach out, and we eventually met halfway. We’ve let go of the past and chosen to be okay again. It’s not the same as before, but that’s part of growing up. Nothing ever stays the same. J and I have both changed, and we’ve shifted from being besties to being lifelong friends. Best friends might just be a title, but having a lifelong friend is something you treasure forever.

What keeps us connected is our compatibility. We both loved to study but we also knew how to have fun. We love making fun of ourselves and we think alike in so many ways. She once gave me a Hallmark card that described us perfectly. It was hilarious, almost like it was written with our friendship in mind. I can’t seem to find it now, buried somewhere in my old things at home, but I really hope I stumble on it one day.

Because little reminders like that? They make you smile and remember that some friendships, no matter how complicated their start, are worth keeping for life.