How can such a happy moment leave me feeling so lonely?

I was scrolling through my Threads feed, reading all about the #TayVis wedding. One post led to another until I found myself deep in a rabbit hole. There were so many heartfelt messages from Swifties celebrating the moment. Then I came across a thread started by a parent who shared that the last photo of their daughter was at one of Taylor’s Eras Tour concerts.

More parents joined the conversation. They shared photos of their late daughters, smiling brightly at Taylor’s concert, still glowing with the kind of joy that comes from finally seeing their favorite artist. Those pictures were beautiful. They captured pure happiness frozen in time.

And yet, they broke my heart.

Without warning, a wave of sadness washed over me. My thoughts drifted somewhere I didn’t want them to go.

What if the BTS Arirang concert I’m planning to attend this December becomes the place where my last happy photo is taken? What if that’s the memory people hold onto?

I’ve always struggled with the fear of death, but lately it feels louder. Every month, I’m admitted to the hospital for my blood transfusions and chelation therapy. Those routine confinements are necessary, but they also remind me that my life isn’t like everyone else’s. Each hospital stay quietly confronts me with my own mortality. I don’t want to live in fear, but some days it’s hard not to.

When those thoughts become overwhelming, I remind myself of God’s promise in Lamentations 3:22-23:

“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”

I know that I don’t always feel strong. I don’t always feel courageous. All I can do is cling onto God’s promise and trust that He is with me even in the moments when fear feels bigger than faith. His love is everlasting!

I feel courageous. I am choosing to keep living, keep hoping, and keep looking forward to moments of joy because it is true, His mercy is new every morning!

So yes, I still want to go to that concert. I still want to sing along, laugh, take photos, and make memories. Not because I know what tomorrow holds, but because today is still a gift. And I want to live it fully, trusting that wherever life leads, God will never leave my side.

So now, all I need is for my boss to say YES to Arirang!