As a senior high school student in the Philippines who transferred to Saudi Arabia in the late ’90s, it felt like exile. No TV channels, cable only for the rich, a country that wasn’t culturally open. All I had was my Backstreet Boys.

My favorite was Brian. I pined over him for the longest time, and I really believed every line from “All I Have to Give (Conversation Mix).” Any song where he sang lots of solos, I especially loved. You won’t be able to imagine how “That’s What She Said” hurt so badly. I hurt because he did.

I stayed obsessed with BSB, especially Brian, all the way through college, and I kept listening to them years later –  even during Justin Timberlake’s reign, and later through Rihanna, Taylor, and Lady Gaga. BSB remained – they never disappeared from my radar.

Then, lo and behold, they finally came to Saudi Arabia. My sister, who had just given birth by C-section, flew with me to Jeddah, our first time going there, but we braved the night just to see them. She’s a Nick Carter girl (typical!). We were excited, so we bought VIP tickets.

We were surrounded by Gen Z audience members, and we wondered if these kids even knew who BSB was. I kept thinking, how are you even here?

When Brian was right in front of me, I screamed his name, “B-Rok!!!!”, loud enough that he definitely could’ve heard me, since we weren’t far from the stage (and I was the only one who screamed). He sooooooooooooo ignored me. No smile, no hi, none of the cute little faces I used to watch him do on repeat in old concert videos. Kevin, on the other hand, said hello, and I felt genuinely happy to be acknowledged, even if he wasn’t the one I’d been pining over all those years. I appreciated Kevin’s politeness so much!

And that was the end of the Brian fandom in my universe. I know it’s not really his fault (could be mine). It just felt disappointing and really sad.